The Perversion of Minor Differences

"Be on the lookout for two suspects. Both are described as 'adorable.'"

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 11:40:59 -0400

Police in Wisconsin got a rare break from responding to Packers-related domestic violence calls on Thursday when a Wisconsin Rapids woman called 911 to report two kittens having sex in her yard.

No word yet on how police responded, but that’s an episode of COPS we can’t wait to watch.

Crummy news from New York where a man dressed as Cookie Monster...

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 12:58:45 -0400

Crummy news from New York where a man dressed as Cookie Monster is accused of shoving a child. Reports say a family posed for a picture and refused payment when Cookie Monster demanded $2.00. Evidently “C is for cookie” is no longer good enough for him, because he allegedly shoved the family’s two year-old child and began hurling obscenities at the family.

First photo from “Captain America: The Winter...

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 10:13:47 -0400

First photo from “Captain America: The Winter Soldier,” arriving in April 2014. He’ll be facing a new foe, as Hugo Weaving declined to return as Red Skull. Said Weaving about the first film, “It was good to do it and try it out, but to be honest, it’s not the sort of film I seek out and really am excited by.”

This from the guy who said yes to “The Wolf Man” and two “Matrix” sequels.

Like chocolate over white bread, news has spread of the theft of...

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 13:57:20 -0400

Like chocolate over white bread, news has spread of the theft of five and a half tons of Nutella from a parked trailer in Germany. While there is no nutritional value to these ill-gotten gains, the haul is worth $20,710.

German authorities have released this sketch of the suspect. Be on the lookout.

A man in Argentina was shocked to discover the toy poodles...

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 13:15:09 -0400

A man in Argentina was shocked to discover the toy poodles he’d purchased were actually steroid-fuekedferrets. When will society finally be rid of the scourge of performance-enhancing drugs?

Following up on a story we first brought you a year ago, the...

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 14:51:43 -0400

Following up on a story we first brought you a year ago, the “pregnant man” who garnered national headlines when he gave birth to three children had his divorce petition denied this week. An Arizona judge ruled that Thomas Beatie could not prove that he had been a man in 2003 when he married his wife, and thus could not prove they were a heterosexual couple. Arizona doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage…so no divorce. We imagine the court proceeding was a lot like the climax of “Inherit the Wind,” but a lot more androgynous.

All this time, we had been thinking “Junior,” but now this all smacks of “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.” But we can’t pass up a chance to share pictures of pregnant Arnold.

Raymond, the mascot of the Tampa Bay Rays, was in a bit of...

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 14:37:07 -0400

Raymond, the mascot of the Tampa Bay Rays, was in a bit of trouble after displaying a sign at the April 3rd game that suggested Steve Irwin, the late “Crocodile Hunter,” had been on the Rays’ “hit list.”

Even though Irwin has been dead since 2005, barbs like this one still sting.

We’re wishing a belated Happy Easter to all of our...

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 08:45:07 -0400

We’re wishing a belated Happy Easter to all of our friends, and we’re hoping you weren’t caught in the fray at the easter egg hunt at Seattle’s Woodland Park Zoo. The event turned ugly when two women came to blows after attempting to grab the most eggs for their kids.

There are no photos from the incident, so we used this screen shot from the “Family Circus” Easter Special. Nothing is scarier than “Family Circus.”

A Los Angeles court has awarded a disabled man $8,000 in pain...

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 09:50:29 -0400

A Los Angeles court has awarded a disabled man $8,000 in pain and suffering damages; he was trapped on Disneyland’s “It’s a Small World” ride for 30 minutes when the ride broke down.

Apparently, smiles DON’T mean friendship to everyone.

Happy Birthday, Leonard Nimoy!

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 08:43:00 -0400

Happy Birthday, Leonard Nimoy!

Bill Cosby’s lawyers have sent a cease and desist request...

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 12:40:10 -0400

Bill Cosby’s lawyers have sent a cease and desist request to the operator of CobsySweaters.com. As Dr. Cosby’s lawyers point out, “[t]he term ‘Cosby Sweater’ instantly evokes Mr. Cosby and The Cosby Show.” It also evokes other things, but they’re best left unsaid.

The site isn’t even really Cosby-specific. It was a website geared towards “sports fans who love music, tech, pop culture, and dumb Internet videos.” Those fans will soon need a new domain name to access those goodies, as the site appears to be going the way of New Coke, Kodak film, and a Jell-O pudding pop left outside on a hot summer day.

In unrelated news, our planned spin-off site “TheoShirt.com” is on indefinite hiatus.

Will Smith has revealed he turned down the title role in...

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 12:11:08 -0400

Will Smith has revealed he turned down the title role in “Django Unchained” because “[he] needed to be the lead.” Thus, the world lost the chance to hear a catchy, non-threatening rap song about slavery and revenge over the end credits.

Televangelist and Andy Griffith cosplay enthusiast Pat Roberston...

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 09:17:22 -0500

Televangelist and Andy Griffith cosplay enthusiast Pat Roberston delivered more of his sound, rational advice on “The 700 Club” this week when he suggested that second-hand clothes acquired from Goodwill may be possessed by demons.

In typical Pat fashion, he only scratched the surface of a very important issue. Is it only clothes from Goodwill that are like little Linda Blairs in disguise? What about that Clone Wars foosball table I bought? Pat! I need answers!!

When searching the Internet to find the right stories for our...

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 11:53:46 -0500

When searching the Internet to find the right stories for our show and our Tumblr, our interest is piqued if the story contains guns or pizza. Imagine our delight when we find one that includes both! A Virginia pizzeria is now offering a 15% discount to gun owners. Supporters of the right to bear arms also seem to believe in the right to load up on toppings, because the owner reports 80% of his customers have brought guns into the shop.

Loaded guns in an Italian restaurant…I think “The Godfather” established definitively that doesn’t present a problem, right?

(Story courtesy of The Huffington Post - click on the picture for more details)

After capturing a heart warming image of Illinois basketball...

Fri, 15 Feb 2013 11:23:28 -0500

After capturing a heart warming image of Illinois basketball coach John Groce hugging his son after an upset win over Indiana, the school made the natural choice to use the photo to promote upcoming games. Unfortunately, shirtless boys and Penn State don’t go together as well as they used to… You know what? Strike that.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 08:54:51 -0500

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Crime news from Australia where an emu was stolen under cover of...

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 10:41:28 -0500

Crime news from Australia where an emu was stolen under cover of night from Featherdale Wildlife Park in Doonside. The motive is unclear, as emus have little monetary value.

In December, ten macaw parrots were stolen from the same park (and later found). Our theory is we’ve got an Aussie re-enacting Penguin plots from old ”Batman” comics.

Sad news to report as a 52 year-old frequent patron and...

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 09:42:08 -0500

Sad news to report as a 52 year-old frequent patron and unofficial spokesperson for the infamous Heart Attack Grill died outside of the Las Vegas restaurant last week. Police are investigating the cause of death…JK, he totally died of a heart attack.

Of course his passing is tragic, but we think this instantly elevates him to Spokesman Hall of Fame. Who knows if John Madden really shops at Ace Hardware? No one can say for certain that Alec Baldwin uses Capital One credit cards. But damn it, the late John Alleman ate at the Heart Attack Grill.

He’s the second spokesman to die since 2011. We can’t wait to see the Monster.com posting that goes up to fill their shoes.

Breaking (and possibly fake?) news out of Tokyo where Bill...

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 11:00:33 -0500

Breaking (and possibly fake?) news out of Tokyo where Bill Murray allegedly aided in the capture of a knife-wielding bank robber. Shortly after the man allegedly held up the Bank of Tokyo-Mitsubishi (save your racism allegations…that’s a real place), he ran into Murray on the street. Apparently the robber was a fan of “Lost In Translation” (clearly planting the seeds for an insanity defense here) and started chatting up the actor. The impromptu chat gave police enough time to catch up with the robber and apprehend him.

Again, not sure if this story is true, but we like to think that it’s true. And even better if Murray told the robber “I want to party with you, cowboy.”

Virginia’s House of Delegates took the first steps on...

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 10:18:38 -0500

Virginia’s House of Delegates took the first steps on February 4 to establish a state-issued currency. The law, opposed by the Governor and anyone who vaguely remembers William Jennings Bryan from AP US History, would establish a group to study the creation of a metal based currency. The sponsor of the bill, Republican Delegate Bob Marshall has assured critics this would be serious (why would anyone doubt it?) and there are no plans to put prominent Virginians such as Jefferson Davis and Dave Matthews on the proposed currency. (This makes us wonder- has anyone ever done a “Jefferson Davis Matthews” mash-up? If not, get to it, Internets!)

The creation of such a system of “Virginia Bucks” will inevitably lead to conversion questions with “Maryland Nickels” (probably the same as the ratio of leprachauns and unicorns).